Family: Does One Size Fit All?

This post is going to be a little long…

I wrote an essay a couple weeks ago for one of my classes on if a smaller family or a larger family was “better.” You should know right now that I don’t think one family size is the best for every individual. Two more disclaimers are that 1. there are plenty of mistakes in my writing, and 2. there is so much more that could have been talked about in this essay, but this is what I ended up with. I hope there are some good insights to be found by you! 

Does One Size Fit All?

    When picturing the “American dream,” a white picket fence with a porch swing and a small garden somewhere might come to mind. The father comes home from work and is greeted by his wife, his dog, and his two or three children. It is a beautiful image, but it also brings thoughts of the mother being a homemaker wearing a dress, and children perfectly dressed without a hair out of place because that “American dream” was more prominent in the 50’s and 60’s. Today, the image of “the dream” is different. The image of success often involves an expensive car, a large house or apartment, and if the job brings in enough money to afford those costly things. Where does the family fit into this though? Is there an ideal size for the family? There isn’t one answer that works for every individual, but research shows that smaller families are better while the kids are all younger for the overall happiness and ability of the parents to take care of the children, and there is more of an advantage academic wise, but being in a larger family is more beneficial for people as children get a little older because of the social benefits that come with larger families, and there is more of a lasting satisfaction for parents of more children. There is also the fact that more children are needed with the general decline in population around the world.  If there is time between each child, there will be more ability to handle the load that comes with them, and the benefits of having more children can be received as well.  

    It is important to understand what is meant when someone refers to a “larger” or “smaller” family. According to Kellie J. Hagewen and S.Philip Morgan, both professors in sociology, the midsized family is two or three children, to have larger family means to have four or more children and a smaller family indicates no children or one child (Hagewen 512). For the purposes of this essay, when a smaller family is talked of, it means two or less children, and when a larger family is talked about, it means three or more.  

    It is pretty typical that when there is more of something it is harder to handle or take care of, and it is the same for children. Going from being a single person to married is quite the adjustment as is; no longer does the person have the leisure of doing whatever whenever, there are no more dates with different individuals, and finances change. The changes that come when a child is introduced in the picture are much more intense and add a lot of stressors. According to the USDA, “in 2015, a family will spend approximately $12,980 annually per child in a middle-income ($59,200-$107,400), two-child, married-couple family,” and that cost is more with the first child because there is the worry for getting all of the baby supplies, such as a crib, stroller, car seat, pacifiers, clothes, diapers, and so much more (Lino). That price would also be higher today because of the changes in economy that have happened in the last few years. Not only is the financial strain added, but sleep schedules are thrown off, alone time is a rarity, going out and socializing is tricky, and a plethora of other changes come with that sweet, innocent child.  There is also the pressure of raising this child to be a well-rounded citizen, let alone making sure the baby lives long enough to get there. They do not know the stresses they are bringing with them, but that is simply a part of introducing a new human life into this world. Imagine now multiplying those stresses by 3 or 4, or even 7 or 8. This is often why parents decide to only have one or two children. As more children are introduced, the stresses change, and can reduce as well because the parents have had to make that adjustment before. Mark Lino, an economist at the Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion at the USDA, also states that “for married-couple families with one child, expenses averaged 27% more per child than expenses in a two-child family. For families with three or more children, per child expenses averaged 24% less on each child than on a child in a two-child family” (Lino), and the costs continue to decrease. This is known as the “cheaper by the dozen” principle. After the first child, there are more hand-me-downs, siblings can share rooms, as children get older they can babysit their younger siblings, parents buy food in larger quantities, which is more economical and cost-efficient, and so forth. It is still hard to adjust to having another person in the home, and it is understandable why a couple would limit the number of times they need to make that adjustment. This can be one reason it is beneficial to spread the time between each child by 2-3 years. In giving some time to adjust to having a new child in the home without getting into too much of a rhythm, the parents are more prepared to have a new change without it being too overwhelming. 

    In addition to the happiness of the parents, there is a matter of the amount of quality time that can be spent with each child, and the benefits for children that come with that time. According to Nick Parr, a professor at Macquarie University with a PhD in social statistics, “children from smaller families are more likely to have been read to by parents early in life, and are more likely to engage in intellectual and cultural pursuits” (Parr 5). It has been seen before in larger families that the older children were read to by one or both of their parents, but as more children have been introduced, that reading time has gone down or disappeared. One of the benefits of this kind of quality time between a child and a parent is the added interest in academics, which helps the child to be more successful in school than their peers belonging to larger families. Parr looks even beyond grade school and finds that “the ratio of the number completing a Bachelor‟s degree or higher to the number who completed Year 12… decreases as the number of siblings increases both for males and for females, with the decrease being somewhat steeper for females” (Parr 14). And according to Ghulam Murtaza, author of the “Relationship between Family Size, Family Structure, Family Order and Academic Achievement of Secondary School Students in Multan Division” article found in the peer reviewed Journal of Research & Reflections in Education (JRRE), “A child with less family members will acquire better grade[s] in education. It is because when parents have a large number of [children], their resources and attention will be divided among their adolescents. As a result, they will not show good academic achievement” (Murtaza 161). When a child needs help, the first people they turn to are their mother and their father, but if their parents are busy helping another sibling with a scraped knee, or are making dinner, or are working on something else, that help might be postponed or forgotten entirely when caught in the chaos of things. With less children, the distractions and needs asked of the parents are lessened, and undivided attention can be offered. If there are older children in the home though, they can help their siblings with their homework. In fact, they might be able to help more because the curriculum is changing frequently, and the older children will have taken the class with more current curriculum than the parents.

    One of the other benefits of having more individual time with parents is brought forward by Murtaza is that it is easier for parents to be aware of their children’s friends when there aren’t too many to keep track of. The benefits that come from this include more trust and open communication between the parents and their children, some connections for the parents to make acquaintance with other parents of the community through their children’s friend, and just being more aware of their children and what is happening in their lives. This will help raise the child’s self esteem, and confidence as they make friends and interact with others. By the parents knowing who their children’s friends are, it also opens opportunities for the parents to socialize with the friends’ parents, and pushes the parents to be more involved in school and community activities because they know more of the individuals involved in them. 

    Something Parr mentions in opposition to the time that parents might be able to spend with their kids when there are less of them is it is actually found that “the time parents spend on childcare is generally slightly greater for parents… with two children than for parents with one child. However, the amount of time spent on childcare for those with three or more children is only greater than among those with two children…” which goes to show that as the number of children increases the amount of time a child spends in daycares or with nannies goes down (Parr 6-7). This may be because nowadays it is common to see both the mother and the father working, so they need to have the children in daycare. It could also simply be that with less children there tend to be less expenses, so daycare or nannying is something that can be afforded. Whatever the reason, the question of how much more time is actually spent by parents with a smaller number of children with them in comparison to those with more offspring comes into play. 

    As many benefits as there are to having less children in a family, there are also many benefits to having a larger family, which is why it is good to spread out the load of children when they’re younger, but to still have more so these benefits can be reaped. One such benefit is the increase in social ability. Some of the reasons behind and explanations of this are explained in an article by Javier Fiz Pérez, a psychology professor in Italy. In his article, Pérez begins by sharing the fact that children from birth learn from their surroundings. As a child grows, they look to their parents, then siblings, then others around them such as in school or other environments where they would be around other people (Pérez). Being surrounded by numerous siblings helps a person know better how to handle disagreements, how to work with others, how to step up when needed, and how to handle larger groups. It takes time, as all learned behavior does, but by learning these skills, an individual is better prepared for handling stressful situations, will be an asset in the work environment, and will better be able to interact well with other people in any given circumstance. Another social benefit individuals of larger families may have is that they are more attune to facial expressions and social cues given by people (Pérez). Because these individuals have so many people in the home that all express emotions differently, it gives them the opportunity to pick up on more of the signs that are given when certain emotions are felt. This helps them to be more empathetic and personable, thus helping them in their relationships with other people. 

    It is true that having a higher number of children can be hard for parents, especially when first making the adjustment, but there are many studies that have been done about the added benefits that come in the broader picture from having a larger family. There is an affect had on each member of the family when a new member is introduced. Some people handle it well, while others don’t. This has been seen and expounded upon by Barbara Pertold-Gebicka, an economics professor at Charles University. She, along with microeconometricist Dominika Spolcova, collected data from European families of various sizes and gathered information about their general well-being, specifically as a new child was introduced to the family. What they found was “parents of larger families with teenage children experience… higher levels of well-being than parents of smaller families” (Pertold 92).  This can be because of many different reasons, but some specific reasons could be that having older children to help take care of the younger children alleviates some stress off the parents’ shoulders, as children get older, there is a deeper relationship built with each of the children, and the parents are more aware of the choice they are making to have more children. 

    Hagewen brings up a good view on the opposing side when she states “Women with four or more children feel that others view them in a negative light and assume they cannot give as much to their children, that they are too busy to tend to their house, and that at least some of the pregnancies must have been accidental” (Hagewen 515), and that is true in some cases, but most assumptions made about women with more children are made without knowing the full picture. Some women do have more children than they might want or be ready to take care of, but a good majority of parents who have large families did so by choice. Pertold has some things to say on that front. The first point Pertold brings forward is “individuals expecting to derive higher utility from having a large family tend to have more children” (Pertold 95), which would mean that would add to the positive results of having more children because the parents see some of the benefits that come from each additional child. It would also mean that the parents know what they’re planning on for their family, and while they expect each member of the family to contribute, they also know how to get the resources needed for each individual. With this outlook as well, the children learn responsibility early on, and they then contribute to society more than they would have otherwise. The next point that is brought up is generally people with a more positive outlook on life are more likely to have more children, which would go to show that these people, especially the mothers, want to bring children into this world. In having a positive outlook, these mothers and fathers would want to give their children all the good in the world they see, thus providing a happy home and healthy relationships. Most individuals that choose to have a larger family generally know what they are signing up for. Often someone that comes from a larger family chooses to also have more children (Parr 21). In having that experience growing up, they are more experienced in taking care of other people, whether through younger siblings or nieces and nephews had by older siblings. They know of the fellowship that is had in having more siblings, especially as a special effort is put in to having deeper relationships with one another. The best way to know of the benefits of something is to take part in it, so it makes sense that those who come from families larger in size would have more children of their own. 

    Another reason parents of more children have higher levels of well-being is because of the effect that is had on a person when their child leaves home. Especially for stay-at-home mothers, when a child leaves home and goes out on their own, the adjustment can be just as hard as when that child first came into their life. No longer do they have to feed this child, but they do worry about how their child is going to feed him or herself. No longer are they providing shelter for their child, or are sure of where their child is living, but are worried about the conditions in which their child is on their own. There are many responsibilities that come with being a parent, and those don’t go away when the child leaves home, but there is less driving to-and-fro, less school events to attend, less memories to take part in because they’re living their own life, meeting new people, and doing so without their parent right by their side. This is why becoming an empty-nester can be so hard for people: they don’t know for sure what to do anymore. Even the father, who is typically the provider, isn’t providing for as many other people anymore. For parents with more children, there is more time to adjust to this change, and by the time their youngest child is out, there will likely be grandchildren pattering around and filling the walls with more childish laughter and learning. Hagewen says it beautifully when she states, “Children symbolize a kind of immortality and establish a link to both past and future” (Hagewen 514). Keeping the larger picture in mind helps a person understand the benefits of a larger family. 

    Children are important because they are the future, but, unfortunately, because of the “ideal image” we have in our minds nowadays of a stable job, a nice apartment, and other outward shows of wealth or success, the amount of people even having children is going down. Deseret News recently released an article sharing the statistics in South Korea and the sinking fertility rates. In 2022, the average number of children born per woman was .78, where 2.1 children per woman are needed in order to keep the population numbers stable (Collins). The effects of this, if continued, can be detrimental. Some of the specific effects that have been seen already include “loneliness in old age, as well as an impact on schools, the economy, entrepreneurship, amassing personal wealth and even for relationships” (Collins). This is not only happening in Korea, but can be seen in many countries throughout the world. Sandra Black, a professor of economics and international and public affairs, and some other colleagues did some research on Norwegian men and their IQ scores based on factors such as family size, and they focused on men aged 16-74 in the 1986-2002 period. Within this research, they discovered that there was an average of  “2.7 children for families whose first child was born between 1950 and 1964. However, between 1964 and about 1970, average family size fell precipitously to about 2.4 children” (Black 52), and, again, that has only continued to decline. Bernardo Villegas, an economist writer, looked into this, and he found “the bias in favor of few or no children at all has led to serious economic problems related to the so-called inverted pyramid or demographic winter. There are serious labor shortages. Pension systems are in shambles. Local populations are being threatened by extinction while immigrants are taking over” (Villegas 1). Without more of a rising generation there are terrible consequences.One of the ways to remedy this is to have more children. 

    Some might say that it is better for us to have a smaller amount of children to keep balance in the world with the mortality rate to fertility rate, which would work if we could get every female on board to have two children. That isn’t possible for everyone, nor does everyone want to do that. There is the opposite example of the limit China placed on their people where they were only allowed to have one child, but the effects that came about from that were similar to some of the negative results mentioned above due to dropping fertility rates. In fact, China has tried pushing for the opposite now, encouraging women to have more children, but the fertility rates continue to fall (Wang). When people are forced into making a certain choice, it doesn’t typically work out for the greater good. 

    Every person is in a different situation. Some remain single, so live a cohabitational life, and others get married. Some are raising kids on their own for a variety of reasons. Some people have no desire to have any children, while that is the life goal for others, and some simply remain unable to even conceive. Circumstances are starkly different for those in third-world countries than they are for people in America or other more developed societies. It is impossible to say what would be perfect for every individual to ever exist because of all these differences. What has been said is not the solution for the whole world, but it can be a bit of information to help the individuals of the world. There are great benefits to having a smaller number of children, and there are just as many for having a larger number of children. When two individuals sit down to decide if they want to start having children, but also especially when they discuss if they want more children, or not, they should know the benefits that can come from doing so, along with some of the draw backs. Every question of what to do should be well informed and properly studied so a proper decision can be made for those that are involved. Through the study made here, it has been found that having a larger family by spreading out the time between children, thus having the effect of a smaller family while the kids are younger while still ultimately having a more numerous amount of children, can bring the most benefits that come from both smaller and larger families. 

Works Cited Page

Anyangu-Amu, Susan. “Kenya: Large Family Size Threatens Development.” Inter Press Service, 15 Mar. 2010, Accessed 26 Feb. 2023. 

Black, Sandra E., et al. “Small Family, Smart Family? Family Size and the IQ Scores of Young Men.” The Journal of Human Resources, vol. 45, no. 1, Jan. 2010, pp. 33–58. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&AuthType=ip&db=edsjsr&AN=edsjsr.20648936&site=eds-live&scope=site.

Collins, Lois M. “South Korea: The World's Lowest Fertility Rate Sinks Lower.” Deseret.com, Deseret News, 23 Feb. 2023, https://www.deseret.com/2023/2/23/23612015/south-korea-worlds-lowest-fertility-rate. 

Hagewen, Kellie J., and S.Philip Morgan. “Intended and Ideal Family Size in the United States, 1970-2002.” Population and Development Review, vol. 31, no. 3, Sept. 2005, pp. 507–27. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&AuthType=ip&db=edsjsr&AN=edsjsr.3401476&site=eds-live&scope=site.

Lino, Mark. “The Cost of Raising a Child.” USDA, 18 Feb. 2020, https://www.usda.gov/media/blog/2017/01/13/cost-raising-child. 

Murtaza, Ghulam. “Relationship between Family Size, Family Structure, Family Order and Academic Achievement of Secondary School Students in Multan Division.” Journal of Research & Reflections in Education (JRRE), vol. 15, no. 2, Dec. 2021, pp. 157–67. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&AuthType=ip&db=eft&AN=157885649&site=eds-live&scope=site.

Parr, Nick. “Do Children From Small Families Do Better?” Journal of Population Research, vol. 23, no. 1, Apr. 2012, pp. 1–44., https://doi.org/10.1007/bf03031865. 

Pérez, Javier Fiz. “Why Big Families Are a Great Benefit to Society.” Aleteia, 17 June 2018, https://aleteia.org/2018/06/17/why-kids-from-big-families-have-an-advantage-in-life/. 

Pertold-Gebicka, Barbara, and Dominika Spolcova. “Family Size and Subjective Well-Being in Europe: Do More Children Make Parents (Un)Happy?” Economic and Social Review, vol. 53, no. 2, Summer 2022, pp. 89–136. EBSCOhost, https://doi-org.byui.idm.oclc.org/http://www.esr.ie/issue/archive.

Sabo, Shannon, and Sandra Johnson. “New Census Bureau Population Estimates Show Covid-19 Impact on Fertility and Mortality across the Nation.” Census.gov, 13 Apr. 2022, https://www.census.gov/library/stories/2022/03/deaths-outnumbered-births-in-half-of-states-between-2020-and-2021.html. 

“Small Families.” HealthyChildren.org, American Academy of Pediatrics, 21 Nov. 2015, https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/types-of-families/Pages/Small-Families.aspx. 

Sutherland, Anna. “For Kids, Large Families Have Pros and Cons.” Ifstudies.org , Institute for Family Studies , 6 Jan. 2016, https://ifstudies.org/blog/for-kids-large-families-have-pros-and-cons. 

Villegas, Bernardo. "Advantages of Large Family Size." Manila Bulletin, 27 Sept. 2012. Gale In Context: Global Issues, link.gale.com/apps/doc/A324267570/GIC?u=byuidaho&sid=ebsco&xid=9ab15554. Accessed 23 Feb. 2023.

Wang , Yaqiu. “It's Time to Abolish China's Three-Child Policy.” Human Rights Watch, 23 Feb. 2023, https://www.hrw.org/news/2023/02/22/its-time-abolish-chinas-three-child-policy#:~:text=For%2035%20years%20%E2%80%93%20from%201980,forced%20sterilisation%2C%20and%20forced%20abortion.