Introducing Change

Something that came up this week that I hadn’t really thought much about was how the family unit is affected by change. What I mean by that is how different family members react differently to a family member leaving, whether it be for college or other reasons, or when a new family member is introduced. I think that behavior to change is something we see all the time, but it isn’t something all of us pay special heed to. 

I am the oldest of seven children, with three brothers and three sisters. I don’t remember the changes I made with each of my siblings being introduced to the family, but I do remember how I felt when my mom and dad announced the existence of my youngest brother. 

My parents have been excellent about bringing our family together in scripture study every morning. On this particular morning, we were enjoying the thrills of sleeping in because it was summer vacation. Well, we thought we were enjoying the thrill of sleeping in a little. My mom came in to my room to get me and my sister up, going through the everyday routine. Nothing seemed amiss, though I was a bit more tired than normal. I thought it was because it was summer, and I stayed up way late the night before. Turns out we were awakened at the time we would have been if we were still in school: 6:30 in the morning (for those of you that think that is still sleeping in, get some help). Again, I didn’t know this, but it was fine. I was happy to read scriptures with my family before returning to my bed. Well, we got through reading, and my parents said they had some news. I won’t go into great detail about how this news was shared because it might concern a few of you, but all I’ll say is I went into a state of shock when I figured out what my parents were telling us. We were going to have another sibling. 

Now, with the announcement of my youngest brother (even though we didn’t know he would be a brother at the time), there are a few reasons this came as a great shock for me: 1. It had been six years since the sibling above him came along, so that gap tripled the norm for our family (we’re all about two years apart). 2. By the time he came around, I was going to be nearly eighteen years old. 3. Did I mention I didn’t get much sleep before we were told about this?

I immediately became deeply concerned about the role I would play in this child’s life. How was I supposed to be a sister and friend for someone who would hardly see me? I was moving away to college before he was even going to be born, and I would leave on a mission a few months after that. There was such a great distance between us, and I didn’t know how I was supposed to overcome that. I was stricken with worry for a long time, and I couldn’t seem to get excited about his coming. 

It wasn’t until my parents told us his gender and brought home some of the tiniest clothes that I was finally able to come to some peace and excitement about him. I know now that it’s all going to work out, but it took a minute for me to realize that. The role I play in his life as his oldest sibling is so different from the role I played in the life of my oldest younger sibling. The way I felt about being the oldest of the children changed when he came along. I think I felt the weight of it more. I felt more pressure to be the role model they need, but I am still figuring out how to do that despite the distance. 

I decided to ask a couple of my siblings what they felt changed as my brother and I have left home or when different siblings were introduced. One sister said “Uhmmm, well as Ezra was born Lily’s role started to change to be someone who wasn’t the youngest but also kind of help guide Ezra in her own way. When you left, I started to be the one who had to become responsible. Right now I’m the oldest in the house and have the responsibilities that come with that, but your role has changed to find and support your own family while still being a part of ours. Zion’s role is different in the way that he is a missionary right now, which would change a lot of stuff normally, but right now, regarding our family, his job is to stand tall in his testimony. This helps to reassure all of us and set an example.” 

Something another sister mentioned was “I think when I see what you guys have learned from the gospel, it teaches me what I will learn and it shows me what I can accomplish. If I have changed in any way, it is into a better woman.” 

First and foremost, I love my family, and I am proud of my siblings. They are superb people, and they offer so much to the world. I am continuously amazed at how much each of them help me to change, but I sometimes forget I am a part of that too. 

Leaving home is a big thing, but the family adapts to the change, and the system remains, albeit different from before. Thanks to my parents, I know I always have a home to return to. Sometimes I can tell I’m throwing off my siblings’ grooves when I visit home because they’ve gotten used to me being gone, but I know they love me enough to let me do that every so often. We might argue sometimes, and we might return to behaving as we did as children, but we stick together. That remains steadfast in my family.