The Dating Game

 Something my mom has expressed is how grateful she is that she doesn’t have to worry about navigating through the whole “dating game” anymore. One of the comforts of marriage is you know who you’re going to go on a date with. You are going on dates now to continue a relationship instead of trying to figure out if it’s going to lead to a deeper relationship or not.

The reason it works for my parents is they make the decision every day to remain dedicated to each other. Every week they make an effort to go on a date. It is not just a silent expectation that the relationship will deepen over time, but there is conscious effort being put into it.

That effort didn’t start after they got married. One of my favorite stories that my parents have told us was about when my parents first met. It was a stake activity for the beginning of the semester. My dad saw my mom and thought, “I want to impress her,” so he offered to scoop her ice cream for her root beer float. Well, apparently a lot of other people thought that was kind because he ended up getting stuck scooping ice cream for a while. Even if things didn’t go exactly how my father thought they were going to, the first thing he did was take the initiative to get the attention of my mother.

One of the problems we see in the culture of dating (and amidst most everything) these days is that people like to take the easy road. Instead of actively deciding what to do, people slide into things (source A). Instead of going on dates, an activity that is planned ahead, paid for, and paired off, people are just hanging out in groups (source B).

One of the problems we see in the culture of dating as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is misconception about what a date actually means. There is a lot of pressure from the members of the Church to get married as soon as possible and to have a family. Those are important things, of course, but the reasons for it sometimes get lost in translation, as tends to be the case with covenants and commandments. Because of this pressure, there seem to be a lot of steps in the dating process skipped. Instead of going on one date, then a few dates, then courting, then engagement, then marriage, it feels like the first date should end with a marriage proposal or it’s seemingly not worth it. Thus, a lot of people are afraid to go on dates. No longer is a date a simple activity that helps you to get to know someone (or a group of paired-off someones), though that’s really what it should be. A date should only be a commitment of a few hours, at most, but it has been twisted to be a commitment of one’s self to another individual for the activity and beyond.

The picture of the building that is the main picture on this blog is a temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Within this temple, and others alike, there are marriage ceremonies that are binding not for “till death do us part,” but for “all time and all eternity.” For members of the Church that make promises not only to their spouse, but also to God, it is for an eternal marriage. It is for a relationship that even death cannot separate. In short, it is a very big deal. It is not meant to be rushed into blindly, nor slid into easily, but it should be very a very conscious and dedicated choice of action. If marriage is to be that way, dating should be that way as well.

Again, sometimes this brings a skipping of steps for some people. Please, still go on dates simply to go on dates. Get some experience. See what you can work well with, what you desire in an eternal companion, and if you want it to develop, but you don’t have to go into every date thinking “is this the person I’m going to choose?” Go on dates that have been planned ahead, paid for (when needed. There are some great free date ideas out there. Get creative), where you can give your attention to one individual specifically (which can be done in a group setting with other couples). Don’t put pressure on something too early or it will crumble instead of becoming a beautiful diamond.

If you’re married, still put in that effort. Keep dating your partner. They deserve to feel cherished too.

A: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5TpuIWdy6aE

B: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2006/06/dating-versus-hanging-out?lang=eng