Marwiage
“Marwiage is what bwings us togevah today” -the priest in the Princess Bride.
Simply defined, marriage is a legal union of two people, but it is also so much more complex than that. When two people are united in holy matrimony, they are not only united with that individual, but also their family. You, in some states, are united with their previous marriages (where applicable). You are united with that person’s debts. You are united with that person’s accomplishments and their failures. Ultimately, you are bound to that person, “for better or for worse.”
If we use a biblical example, we can look at Adam and Eve. God was the one that married them while they were in the garden of Eden. Adam and Eve were entrusted with the care of the garden, and they worked together in those responsibilities. When Eve partook of the fruit, she was to be cast out. Because Adam stood by his duty as her husband, he made it so he could go with her. They stayed together, and they honored the promises they made to each other, as well as to God.
In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, as I mentioned last week, we believe marriage is meant to be an eternal union. Death can’t separate familial relations, so long as the families have been bound under the right authority (another topic for another time). Sometimes, despite that belief, marriages seem to fall apart before death can be the separating factor. Even civil marriages that begin with “till death do us part,” the parting comes much before that. Marriage takes a lot of work. It takes a lot of willingness. It takes a lot of adapting to change.
Often we get so caught up in preparing for the wedding that we forget to prepare for everything that follows. It is impossible to know everything that is going to happen in your life, but marriage is one of the ways you can control who you’re going through those things with. There’s no expecting perfection in a partner (well, there is, but that will lead to a lot of disappointment), but there is seeing what weaknesses you can work with. If you go into a union thinking everything is going to work out and lead to “happily ever after,” but you don’t do the things to help build your castle together, it will lead to pain, anger, and a myriad of negative emotions. Expecting everything to fall into your lap will lead to an empty lap.
I think the point has been made. Marriage requires work. One of the biggest things I think that can help with adjusting to married life, and putting in the work for it, is having open communication, not only after the union has been made, but even starting much earlier than that. I am not married, so I’m by no means an expert, but I’ve received advice from a number of people. Some of the things I have been advised to talk about with a potential partner are things like “what would you do in this kind of situation (could be concerning money, children, disasters, etc.)?” or talking about the goals you have and seeing how well they align, discussing morals and values, etc. You have to be willing to have hard or serious conversations. If a union is being made, but open and honest communication isn’t being shared, there are already cracks being made, and that union is destined to be broken if it can’t be strengthened and repaired.
If I have learned anything from my experiences, it is that there is always change. The one thing I’ve been able to rely on, aside from God, is that nothing will remain the same for very long. You can either be stunned and let the changes stop you from moving forward, or you can make the most of what you’ve got to work with and make something wonderful. Change shouldn’t be debilitating. Find a partner that will encourage you in that change, and that can make something more of the things you have together.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/books-and-lessons/family-resources?lang=eng
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